In IT, there is now way out of the "You Poor Bastard" loop. Ever.

In any case, I got an answer from our hosting provider. The folks at the datacenter were reworking the network and assured their customers that it wouldn't disrupt service. Well, it did and folks noticed, so our hosting provider told the Network Operations Center to cut that shit out and be more careful.

Honestly, for what we pay per month for this host, they give phenomenal service.