Holy crap, that took forever and was way more of a pain in the ass. I ended up having to force the database online, do a complete backup of everything, delete EVERYTHING and then do a restore from the dump. I tried a lot of different crap to avoid it (I hate deleting shit because something might get missed) and I'm no database admin, but it ended up getting to the point that I had to nuke it from orbit because things got fucked all because the hosting service couldn't be assed to shut the server down before they did the migration.

Guess I finally need to update my backup script.

There's your like button.