Tip of the DAY How to wipe your ass with 1 sheet

[Airgator0470]

OK... so, how DO you wipe your ass with just ONE sheet of TP?

Those who have served in the military are encouraged to hold their response to give others a try.

Your answer must be complete and articulate enough as to leave the reader no doubt as to what you are saying.

GO

[YankeeFingergasm]

At first I was thinking this is impossible. Aside from a disgusting answer I still think it's impossible but I'll give it a go.
I imagine this is what happens in this week episode of Yankee takes the Browns to the Super Bowl Season 1 Episode 1 :

Having been trained at an early age to always check quality and quantity of toilet paper ( ruined a "fancy hand towel" as child, you can figure out the rest) I see there's only one square left. Being a good judge of what's about to come out of me I'm worried. It's not that runny diarrhea shit as that would be easier to just "dab it" clean. It's going to be a chunky corn and peanut encrusted turd.

The grunting, pushing and praying begins. Flasploosh....a nice heavy log breaks the darkness that is my rectum and plops into the bowl causing a definite splash back. Some softer smushier turds follow suit. Once the damage is done and over with and now having a properly soaked scrotum I ponder what I am to do. The unthinkable must be done.

I reach down bare handed and wipe my ass. Recalling the times as a child of playing with toy bulldozers. Brrrrr....zooooo errrrrr.... sound effects for dramatic effect. I scoop and fling the excess poop with each wipe. Once done I wipe the poop from my hand with the single sheet. I think it's better to clean a little shit off your hand than a lot of shit off your ass with a single sheet. However, having used the last sheet I realize my down fall. There's another source. The now unexposed cardboard toilet paper roll. I should have just used that.

Realizing the error of my ways I promptly leave the West Wing guest bathroom and shake POTUS'S hand.

[Airgator0470]

At first I was thinking this is impossible. Aside from a disgusting answer I still think it's impossible but I'll give it a go.
I imagine this is what happens in this week episode of Yankee takes the Browns to the Super Bowl Season 1 Episode 1 :

Having been trained at an early age to always check quality and quantity of toilet paper ( ruined a "fancy hand towel" as child, you can figure out the rest) I see there's only one square left. Being a good judge of what's about to come out of me I'm worried. It's not that runny diarrhea shit as that would be easier to just "dab it" clean. It's going to be a chunky corn and peanut encrusted turd.

The grunting, pushing and praying begins. Flasploosh....a nice heavy log breaks the darkness that is my rectum and plops into the bowl causing a definite splash back. Some softer smushier turds follow suit. Once the damage is done and over with and now having a properly soaked scrotum I ponder what I am to do. The unthinkable must be done.

I reach down bare handed and wipe my ass. Recalling the times as a child of playing with toy bulldozers. Brrrrr....zooooo errrrrr.... sound effects for dramatic effect. I scoop and fling the excess poop with each wipe. Once done I wipe the poop from my hand with the single sheet. I think it's better to clean a little shit off your hand than a lot of shit off your ass with a single sheet. However, having used the last sheet I realize my down fall. There's another source. The now unexposed cardboard toilet paper roll. I should have just used that.

Realizing the error of my ways I promptly leave the West Wing guest bathroom and shake POTUS'S hand.

I admire the effort, but not the answer I'm looking for... who's next?

[TheJewban]

OK... so, how DO you wipe your ass with just ONE sheet of TP?

Those who have served in the military are encouraged to hold their response to give others a try.

Your answer must be complete and articulate enough as to leave the reader no doubt as to what you are saying.GO

Don't be fooled guys and gals. This is as old as the nine dots puzzle trick question, i.e:

Connect the dots by drawing four straight continuous lines.
You can't retrace the line and you can't lift the pencil from the paper once you start.

Airgator's forcing us to think outside the box. He's big into critical thinking. Get's on me all the time about it.

Lets examine the question:

How do you wipe your ass with just ONE sheet of Toilet Paper?

This commits the complex question fallacy because while we're restricted to "just one sheet of toilet paper" (true), it artificially restricts the possibility of using other objects (false). And since Tips and Tricks requires discussion be firearm related, logic dictates a gun with just one sheet of toilet paper be used when wiping ones ass. I can assure you that long guns are not involved. Airgator, a responsible instructor, understands the higher degree of difficulty with long guns and would have issued the following warning in his OP: Recommended for Seasoned Professionals Only!

So there you have it. The correct response to How do you wipe your ass with just ONE sheet of Toilet Paper? requires a pistol as part of your answer.

to be continued...

[Airgator0470]

The correct response to How do you wipe your ass with just ONE sheet of Toilet Paper? requires a pistol as part of your answer.

Nope.... anyone else?

[12bhunting]

Gotta remember to save the hole you tear out the middle to clean your fingernail......

[mattb]

We have a winner.

[YankeeFingergasm]

Gotta remember to save the hole you tear out the middle to clean your fingernail......

Huh?

[Parsons project]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XY2YuO_BD1c

[Airgator0470]

Gotta remember to save the hole you tear out the middle to clean your fingernail......

LOL.... ok, go ahead and spill the beans...